Spring Break!

Ahhh it's been a busy start to the new year.

I am currently enjoying my spring break and am so happy that there is still almost a week and a half to go.

I have a lot of grading to do - research papers- but I've been able to get a few fun things put into the mix as well.

Had lunch with Nicole and her sisters yesterday, and then planned a craft day with Nicole and Gina for Saturday.

The big event in April is going to be my 30th birthday party.

The Nerdy Thirty. I am going to have Harry Potter themed food, Star Wars decorations and Rainbow everything. I was pretty much in love with Rainbow Bright when I was a kid, so I'm reclaiming it in my adulthood. I've invited a lot of people (right now I think we're hovering around 30 people, but there are a few more to add to the list).

I've been working on the house slowly but surely to make sure it looks nice for the party. Thank goodness for Pintrist. Holy cow are there a ton of great ideas out there for partys, cleaning and various other amazing things that clearly need to be in everyone's life.

I am going to attempt to complete a few craft ideas while I'm not at work so that I don't have to stress when it gets closer to the party. I'll be sure to take pictures of it as I create the wonderfulness that will help create 'the Nerdy Thirty'!

Loss

I’ve wanted to write about this for the last month, but I don’t know how. There aren’t enough words to explain the situation. There are not enough tears to cry. My Best Friend lost her beautiful boy just a month before he was due to come into this world. It happened in late October but I’ve been unable to wrap my mind around it. I’m not sure that I know how to talk about it now. But I’m going to try. It’s something I’ve been having a hard time with. And when I have a hard time with something I have a want, a desire to write about it. I guess it’s the English teacher in me.

She went to the hospital because she didn’t feel him moving. When they did the ultrasound they couldn’t find a heartbeat. And the tears overflow. Even seeing this ‘on paper’ hurts in a way that I can’t explain. I was able to go to the hospital the day it happened. I needed to be there. I know I’m not family but I just had to be near her somehow.

I’ve had loss in my life – but this is beyond compare. There are no words for this.

The next day I went to work. Looking back I don’t know how I made it through the day. But again – I needed to be with people. I knew if I sat at home I might just implode. I work with amazing people. They are wonderful friends to me. We were able to cry together and pray together and hold each other and cry some more.

As the hours past and the reality set in, I just kept asking why. I’m not someone who attends church – but I do believe in God. I pray to myself often. I talk to God often. But I have not talked out loud to God in a long time. Over the past six weeks, I’ve talked to God often. I’ve asked for strength. I’ve asked for guidance. I’ve prayed for healing.

I know that baby is in heaven. I know he’s with God. But I want to know why he can be here with my beautiful friend and her amazing husband. I want to know why this had to happen. Bren and I have talked a lot and we know that we’ll never be able to understand what happened. I just hope that I can find peace. I hope that My friend will have peace and healing, and that she and her husband are able to move forward in life without the devastating pain that has been placed upon them.

I know that this will be with them forever. It will be with me forever. It will be something that I think of everyday for a very long time. I know that when I am blessed with a baby of my own I’ll be afraid. I know that there is nothing I can do to stop that fear from coming – but I do know that I can find a quiet spot in my mind to get through that fear and that anxiety. I hope that when She is blessed again with a pregnancy that I can help her find a place of peace and healing.

To be honest – I’m angry with God. I know he’s okay with that. There have been some days when I have felt like I couldn’t get out of bed, and this didn’t happen to me. The strength and faith and peace that she has been able to find in this has been awe inspiring. She and I have cried together but we have also been able to be our normal selves together – laugh and joke and be us. But at the same time I hate that our normal life has been able to come back to us. I wish that her little boy was here with us while we laugh and play. Her strength of character is something that overwhelms me. I know that when I’m having a hard time I think about her strength and it gives me strength to get through whatever sadness overwhelms me.

I know that this is a long journey. I know that there are rough days ahead. She is coming back to school in January and I know that it’s going to be important for me to get strong and prepare for whatever she might need.

Sometimes I feel bad for wanting to help. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries as a friend. She has two sisters who are amazing and I would never want to push my way into somewhere I don’t belong. This is my insecurity, because when I talked to her about this issue or fear or whatever you want to call it she was amazing and said everything a best friend should. She is a source of strength for so many people and I want to be able to be that for her.

A mutual friend of ours said that she and I are “Girl Soul Mates”. I think it must be true. She and I can just look at each other and know what the other one means. There are days ahead that I know I will not see coming. It’s going to be little things that trigger sadness. It’s always that way with loss. Just when you think you aren’t going to be the woman in Target crying in the isle way – something happens and there you are blubbering like a crazy person. Those are the days that make me most nervous. Because I can’t always be there to protect her. I couldn’t protect her from this pain. When you love someone you want to protect them and there is no protection from this.

My prayer has been and will continue to be to find peace and healing, to find a quiet place in my heart for that little boy to live on. He will live a life through the memories of people who love him. I and I do love him so.

I'm alive I promise. I've been busy. Grading papers and spending time with friends.

Baby Blankies

I was super excited to make two little blankies for my friends upcoming babies. So I googled ribbon blanket and found this AMAZING tutorial

I looked at it a few times and went for it.

First I found all of my ribbons. I like to scrapbook and so I went digging through my stash to see what I could find.

So I made sure I was clever enough to put the right sides together. It was a little hard because I am a beginner sewer. Flannel is hard to figure out people! Both sides are soft!

Once I figured out the fabric, I made sure to set out all of the ribbons. That was the fun part. Cut the ribbons to 5” strips. Fold them in half and then pin them in the right spot. Remember to put in markers so you have a spot to flip the piece right side out.

Here are all of the ribbons pinned in place. I put 5 ribbons on each side. So there would be an amazing 20 ribbon pieces total.

Then I sewed and sewed until my heart was full of joy.

I flipped it inside out – or right side in. This one is for my friend Sunny’s little girl. We don’t know the name yet. Sunny won’t tell us. I have had two dreams about the name – So far if I’m right the child’s name will be Cherry Zuzu or Concept Zoe. I’m sure whatever Sunny ends up picking – it will be wonderful (and I’m sure cooler than my weird dream names)

Here is what the finished edging looks like. I went all the way around the blankie again so it would sit flat. It also re-enforces  the ribbons.

I can’t wait to hear how the little pumpkins enjoy their blankies.

Showered with Love

I have two wonderful friends who are having babies.

I love them so much and so I just had to throw them a shower. Because Sunny is having a girl and Nicole is having a boy I wanted to have a theme that would cover both genders. So my friends came to Fall in love with their little pumpkins.

We had dips for apples and veggies. and I made some of our decorations. I used an amazing Tutorial that Tasha put together over at Creation Corner. She made it so easy to get these done! And she is right – you will want to make about 100 of these. So fun. SO FUN!

We had chips and the amazing buffalo chicken dip that our friend Jess makes. Jess helped with the shower and I couldn’t have done it without her. Really I feel so lucky to have these kind of friends in my life. Speaking of friends this next picture is of my friends Ellen, Lesly and Andrea. Andrea now teaches at another high school in our district so we don’t get to see her that often. Boy is it a treat when we all get together. These women are so wonderful to each other. It’s so nice to have kindness come into my home and be wrapped around everyone in the room.

Our friends are so generous. Sunny and Nicole were surrounded by friends who showered them with love. It’s amazing to see how my friends are going to develop into Mothers. It fills my heart to know that I’ll get to be a part of their lives and soon their children as well.

Here are their baby bellies. It’s amazing to me that there are four people in this picture!

I still exist

I’m not like Santa Claus who only comes around once a year.

It’s just been hard not to spill the beans on all the projects I’ve been working on.

Let me share a few pictures with you and you’ll see why I’ve not posted in a while.

 

Nicole and I worked on a baby sling for our friend Sunny.

 

We also made Amish Friendship Bread. It’s this crazy amazing process where you have to leave out a ‘starter’ and add flour and milk during the days leading up to the actual baking day. It’s something I’m not sure I understand but it did make very yummy bread.

This is what our directions looked like. As you can see – I was mashing the bag often.

My husband’s brother Liam was able to come and stay with us for two weeks. It was wonderful to have him here. We don’t get to see him that often so it was great to have him stay with us. We went to Disneyland and had a super fun time. I took a day off of work – I know it’s unheard of – The park was empty and we were able to get onto the new Star Tours ride 4 times!!

You can see my very excited face in this picture. I wasn’t feeling well but Disneyland has a great way of making people feel better.

ohh and this little guy showed up in our back yard the night before Liam had to go home. Yes friends, that is a rattle snake. Tonka was out in the backyard barking her brains out and I went to see what she was going on about. I went a little mental when I saw how close she was to this very scary snake. Lucky for us she did not get bit. Bren and Liam killed it and made sure it was very dead.

I have a few more things to share with you but I’m off to go grade thesis statements.

Playing on Pintrist

So I'm super new to Pintrist. But I'm already in love.

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Please ignore the fact that I currently only have 5 pins. I'm sure that will change soon.